i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I understand Curling. That high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
