After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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