My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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