I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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