Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize