did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
