seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
