Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
