just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
