if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
