AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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