yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
