so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
