do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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