Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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