After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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