p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
