At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
