wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
