so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
