I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
