If that was your dad, he is hot
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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