Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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