An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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