the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
