I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
