I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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