Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
