so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
