even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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