Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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