you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a beard to bite.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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