I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
