So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
