People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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