it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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