hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
