help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize