and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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