the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
