I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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