the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
