Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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