I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
