She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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