i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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