yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
