Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
