She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We have started to decorate penises.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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