but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
