Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
