I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
