i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
