he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
