she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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