Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
