Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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