And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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