I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
