the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
