Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
