And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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