Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
