I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
