Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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