who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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