So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
