My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They have beer where we have blood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
