the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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