this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
