yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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