I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize