we're blogging at a bar
You're so nebulous sometimes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
