apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
