my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
