Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize